Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Life after vocal cord polyp removal surgery

As earth ebbs to and fro in the eternal darkness
Securing all that it has possession of
As light fades to and fro tickling that darkness with its' truth
Securing its' presence due to the power of the Almighty
As rain seeks to nourish all living things, so the Father's blessings does the heart
Sun shines with a smile, glint of His eye shines
Darkness finds no place, yet survives per chance
Many victories upon many victories give hope but with one dark blow, only one
Noir finds a home, it is within this home there is a spark, one spark
When if ignited shall spread and immasculate the darkness til it has once again withdrawn
Into its' nasty little corner, seeking openings upon openings to rear its' ugly head
It is there Solomon says vanity is folly, oh vanity of vanities
Not realizing that behind every shadow, every dark cloud, there is a silver lining
Solomon only saw however the darkness seemed to loom no matter how many times
The light shone in his presence, no matter how many times he felt the love
Such are the hearts of men who love hard, whether God, loved ones, or friends
The nature of the beast, 666, they call it, difficult to recognize, yet easy to see once one's head
Lifts like Gideon's men, some who drank with their hands while looking around
And some who drank with their mouths in the river never seeing the dangers
As the dawn draws to a close in the sunset, as stars light the sky, one realizes that darkness
Has no hold, light is ever present, light is every felt
In the twinkling of that star, the glint in our Father's eye
Oh heart pick thyself up, cast thyself outward, return inward to light up the body
Erasing sorrows, woes, complications, then send yourself outward again
Seeking whom you may devour, enveloping and nourishing, healing and saving,
Light devours dark, victory destroys defeats, love encompasses and swallows hate,
Better dreams come, better dreams come, thank you Lord, thank you God,
Show Yourself true, show Yourself mighty, show Yourself............strong

What has this to do with life after vocal cord polyp removal surgery? Maybe nothing. Maybe some song somewhere. Just maybe....just maybe...... just maybe......

Monday, June 22, 2009

Life after vocal cord polyp removal surgery

Hi All,
Well, I sung for the first time Sunday. Wasn't quite ready or anything. My wife asked me would I and she thought it was a good idea. So I did. I was very nervous to say the least. I also knew my voice wasn't all there for all the songs. Some of the songs were high up into the tenor range for male chorus almost crossing over into high tenor/soprano. I did okay the first song. Voice got tight and tired though. I slipped out the side though after the song because the high blood pressure medication and that water pill makes me go and I mean go. When it comes, a'int no trying to hold it. As I was crossing our church breezeway, I heard them doing a second song. What! Was this a concert or something?! Well, still no turning back now. I gotta go before I up and went. lolol As I came out of the bathroom I took time to look at the hallway monitor and looking at the male chorus. Somehow it did not sound good coming out of the hallway monitors. By the time I got back to the choir stand, they were just finishing that song and going into another one. I joined in that one, my voice feeling renewed from the rest. I made it through the singing. Neither was I proud or negative about myself. I was highly critical though looking at all my weak points. I did make it throught and that was the main idea. Still, I did okay. I will do better next time though. My voice was sore though. I had a raspiness that took a while to go away. I did the warmdowns suggested to me by the the vocal therapist. I never realized as important as a warmup was, the warmdown is even more important. Almost like not doing a cool down after lifting weights to prevent cramping and stuff. The warmdown can be the same as the warm up with lip trills being the majority of it.
Today , I went to choir practice. I was alittle apprehensive but I am glad I went. Today was a little different. My voice, I believe at least, came out strong for the majority of the songs. I was so happy, I cried for a bit. Everyone thought something was wrong, but everything was right. Can I get a Hallelujah? Can I get a Amen? I stopped though when I felt my voice getting tight which was around the last song we practiced. Still I am taking it slow. I doubt I go to practice Thursday. I had set a plan to attend one prac at week for the month of June, then go 2 prac a week for most of July. I had a target of singing by choir day, but.......we don't know when choir day will be. I made sure I warmed down the best I could and my voice isn't so sore. Still, I can tell my highs aren't there yet. Well, gotta go. Gotta go. But before I go, I reminded of the angels gathering around the throne of God singing praises and Hallelujahs to God. I have the goal of our voices being so good that the angels around the throne step back and fold their wings covering themselves and the sons and daughters of God take their place before the throne singing and glorifying the most High in all His glory. I want to be one of those voices. Well, gotta go for real this time. As always treat and love someone as if the glory of God inside them because it can be if they accepted or will accept Jesus. Amen!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Life after vocal cord polyp removal surgery

June 19, 2009
Hi all! Whew what a time I am having! It's all good though. Been having a lil struggle with faith sometimes. I don't like that. I want to be like Stephen! Full of faith at all times! But I guess being low in faith at times leads me to appreciate God even more. I am convinced on definition of hell besides being a physical place is being away and out of God's presence. I feel like I am in hell when my faith is low and I can't feel God's presence. Now I remember what Anthony Valary said in one of Yolanda Adam's points of power shows. He said God is every present, He is always there. Just because you can't feel or see Him or the things He is doing doesn't mean He isn't there. Don't let your problems get so big that it blocks Him. He is there. That means to me if there is something in the way, even if I have to crawl up what ever is blocking just to get just a peek of God, a peek at our Daddy is better than no peek at all. Also means that since I know there is something blocking my vision of Him, to keep knocking and tearing down that obstacle until I see our heavenly Father again. I may be tired after that and can't move for a while but it will be worth it.
Now, I had my second choir practice Thursday. It was somewhat easier. There were times that the hyperthyroidism flared up, making me tired. Also going up and down the stairs letting people in the building was making me tired, but overall practice was ok. I hit my notes better. My endurance was down but that's okay for now. I went in anyway just going to sing and practice breathing and not worrying about notes. So it was ok. It was good being in the choir stand for mass choir practice. I stuck around for men's practice. I sang minimally while sitting down. I had reached my limit for the night. I have not decided when I will sing on a Sunday with the mass choir. Don't really know the newer songs they have been going over, but neither did I when I first started singing with the choir lol. We will see.
Today, I am at my inlaws house. My wife is out celebrating with our sister Vanessa. I know they are having a good time. When they get together they can be quite giggly like high schoolers lol. I drove the girls here after letting Gigi out at the restaurant. I unloaded the car, spoke Mom and Pop, ate a little something, went upstairs, saw the bed and said I will only take a lil nap of maybe 20 minutes. I woke up a hour and half later. loloolol I needed it. I wasn't feeling that well. The ol thyroid started flaring up on the trip up here. I was teasing with someone earlier that I know how a woman's heat flash feels, because one of the symptoms of a mild thyroid storm is heat flash, heart palpatations, and nervousness. Whew! lolololol Well gotta go. And as always let go and let God! You go Dwayne Woods! lolololololll

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Life after vocal cord polyp removal surgery

I am very tired today. Very very tired! NO energy what so ever. I am very sleepy. Today, I attempted to apply manual resistance to exercises a client was doing. I do it all the time easily. Except today, it was not so easy. I experienced such painful burning in my arms resisting the client. My body feels like it is falling apart right now. Man!!!! This is something different here. I use to believe my Father that I am healed and the hurt is going away. That was on the physical nature with pulled muscles and hurting bones, but this internal endocrine stuff is something different. I know He is able, that He doesn't want me to hurt, that He is able, willing, and will heal and in fact has already healed despite the fact I don't see it yet. (that is what faith is isn't it), but in the meantime, I HURT!!!!!!! and is so tired!!!!!!!!! I did not even feel like doing my vocal exercises today. Just trying to survive the day. While at a stoplight, I went to sleep! Man!!!! Oh well, got to keep on keeping on as the old folks say. On a bright note, I remembered something I forgot to put in about what my vocal therapist said at the last session. She told me she would rather I don't hold back anymore and go ahead and sing out. It is much better and would be less strain on my voice. Don't worry about sounding whimpy. I will bring myself back up to speed. She also said I have an excellent vocal range. That made me feel good. My wife told me that way before this though before all the vocal problems. (smile). Well , gotta go. And as always believe God and believe Him only!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Life after vocal cord polyp removal surgery

June 16th, 2009
Hi All! At lot has happened since my last blog entry. I mean alot. If it wasn't for Jesus, I probably won't be able to bear all these things. Each thing that happened has hit me in areas that mean the most to me. What else am I talking about besides the vocal cord surgery? I am glad you ask. Let me fill you in on a few things. A few days ago I was at a client's house. I felt something crawling on the back of my neck. I swiped my hand there and whoa! I got this awful pain in the back of my neck. I quickly grabbed it and threw it to the floor. It it with a noticeable sound. The client said that looked like a spider, and briefly it did before it rolled under the table. He moved the table and crushed it with the tip of his cane. It was all a bloody mess by then. Later on though on the drive home, the my face started became numb, my left arm became numb with a some tingling. I drove back to Wilson not stopping at job site but straight home. I took some loratadine and sat on the couch. My children were playing putting a blanket over me and the pillow kinda crazy behind my head attempting to take a picture and I didn't move, I couldn't move! I felt numb all over. I got up, went and told my wife who suggested I go to the Immediate Care facility. I drove there in a daze. By the time I got there I was numb and had a buzzing feeling. Long story short, I received 2 shots, a benadry shot and some other shot, and a script for some prednisone. Also there my blood pressure was 180/110! They did blood work in which the majority of it was good. I had to wait for the rest of the results due Monday. I went home and slept. I went back to the Immediate Care in the morning to retake my blood pressure. It was 181/117! They gave me a script for a beta blocker high blood pressure medication and a note to be out for work for the day. Man! All this from a spider bite is all I thought! That was the first thing. Now Monday, I went to work. I went to the Immediate Care for the rest of my test results before heading out of town. They gave me a copy and said my Thyroid was out of whack. One of the readings was too low. Originally the nurse told me I had hypothyroidism, so I got my wife on the case finding out more about that. Later the Doc called me and said the nurse had made a mistake when in fact I had hyperthyroidism. I again got my wife on the job. Every symptom mentioned described me! So it was my hyperactive thyroid causing high blood pressure as well as other problems. I was happy to hear it in a way because now I had knew what was going on with me and now I know what to fight against. My wife and I suspect I had been this way for a while. What has this to do with singing? Well just one of the effects of hyperthyroidism is mucus buildup and dry throat no matter how much water I drink. That will affect my singing immensely. Also the "brain fog" characteristic of the endocrine problem. I used to think it was kinda funny when I tried to think of something and couldn't, or I would get my words twisted. I used to get discouraged when I could hear the words that someone was saying, but in my mind it was as if they were speaking latin. That will affect me learning and remembering songs. But like I said, now I know what to fight against. Part of the treatment is drugs which have very nasty side effects in some people. Only way to find out is to take them if they will have side effects on you. Do I want to risk that? I think not! Also there is a radiotope injection that would kill the thyroid. Then I would be hypothyroidic. Then it is medication for the rest of my life. Nasty side effects? Yes! Take them? I think not! Then there is thyroid removal. I have seen people with their thyroids removed. Like zombies. Got that route? I think not! All these will be a last resort. I am going to find and try natural means first, like diet, exercise, herbs. Now if they don't work, then and only then will I entertain the other treatments. Well, I gave you all alot this time. Tired fingers now, please I feel a brain fog coming on. Yes, I can tell. But before I go, let me give you some symptoms and signs of hyperthyroidism . C all of you all later. Keep God close and his commandments even closer.

Signs and symptoms of Hyperthyrodism

Palpitations
Heat intolerance
Nervousness
Insomnia
Breathlessness
Increased bowel movements
Light or absent menstrual periods(women)
Fatigue
Fast heart rate
Trembling hands
Weight loss
Muscle weakness
Warm moist skin
Hair loss
Staring gaze
Chest pain

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Life after vocal cord polyp removal surgery

And just when I thought I was getting things back on track with my voice, only to have it derailed for a short time by a spider bite!!! Yes, I had an allergic reaction to a spider bite. Yep, numb lips and face, numb arm with the tingles, all that. Blood pressure shooting up!!!!! Very high indeed! Nonetheless, I did not feel like practicing any kind of vocal exercises that day. So now I am taking high blood pressure medication (of which I don't know if my blood pressure was high before the spider bite) or at least I couldn't tell. But I believe the spider bite allergic reaction really jacked it up. Between the blood pressure meds and the water pill, my throat is very very dry. Even when talking my voice cracks, so you can imagine how it will be when I attempt to sing. Something else that has to be overcomed, but with God's help and my wife's help I will. I will, I will!!!!!! Starting,,well, there is no time like the present huh? Right now, All this weekend, we have been celebrating my wife's birthday. You may even say it has been an all week thing starting from last weekend. Happy Birthday Gigi!!!! I love you! Well, what does this have to do with my voice? Everything! If it wasn't for her, I prob would not be even singing. You see at the other church I was in, I was thinking about stopping forever singing, but now being a part of a singing family,makes me want to sing. You understand. Well, it's late and gotta go. When the prayers and praises go up, blessings come down. You understand where I am going with this don't you? (smile) Well, see ya!!!!!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Life after vocal cord polyp removal surgery

June 9, 2009
Hi All! What's the latest? Well, I will tell you what's the latest! I had my first choir practice since my surgery last night. I was only able to do about 20-25 minutes of stop and go singing though. I fatigued rather quickly. Sang part of a song that started in my low range and without much effort. That felt somewhat good. Then when the song started heading to the upper end of my register and I needed more power, the power and note just wasn't there. It just wasn't there. I did not try to force it to see if I could do it. I was not going to do that. But I was disappointed though. I wanted to be hitting my upper notes at least in a limited fashion. I gave myself (If I had to be graded) a "D". Gigi told me why don't I start at an "A" because at least I came back to practice and tried. She is right though. It is just I expect so much out of my voice. I guess I don't want to be disappointed or a disappointment. Gigi said she felt proud of me. That! makes me feel so good. So I will keep trying. I will just have to work that much harder. Now, I am still going to go to practice but I will take it a step at a time. I prob won't go no more this week. Prob go once a week for June and increase some next month. Well, am I helping anyone out there? I believe I am helping me. C ya! God bless ya! Keep the faith faithfully and I will keep it with you!

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Life after vocal cord polyp removal surgery

Hi All!
Today was just a Saturday! I mean, we had events today. Children had choir practice. My wife had ensemble practice. I did go, I mean stay since I took the children to practice. I listened to them practice a few songs. Of course, I wanted to sing, but I am not going to even try until tomorrow night at practice. Then we went to a birthday celebration for our Reverend Treena Canady. It was pretty good. She was happy having friends and family around. Then Reverend Alethia started singing 60's and 70's songs ranging from Smoky Robinson to Luther Vandross. Everyone was singing except for me. I felt kinda bad not singing. I can't shake it. I love singing. And when I can't do something I love to do, I feel kinda depressed which messes with my thinking some. Oh come on! Like you haven't felt like this before! I mean, come on now, we are Christians who believe in the most high God, but we are human and sometimes we do get weak, and every now and again we have a little doubt and fear running through our minds and hearts. Just be real. I'm just saying. But I find the key is to let that doubt and fear be few and far between, remember that God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. Remember that we can do all things with Him. Remember we need that power working through us. Remember that weeping only last for a night, but joy comes in the morning when you wake up! And use the fear and doubt to be like little kids depending on their parents for comfort and security except we depend on God for our comfort and security. See, I just talked myself to a victory within myself. I hope it did the same of you. Gotta go. Love you all. C ya!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Life after vocal cord polyp removal surgery

Hi All,
What's that? You say I am getting slack with my posting everyday? Like George Washington supposedly said, I cannot tell a lie. lololololl Yes I have been slack. Forgive me. Now, here what is going on. I had my therapy visit the other day, yeh the day I didn't post. lololol Like I was saying I had my therapy visit the other day. It was cut short and can be rescheduled because Dana was feeling under the weather and could not sing with me. But while I was there, she tested my singing range going up a full octave. I held my own until I started getting to the top of my range. She said I was staying steady with my notes up til that point. I started feeling a strain when I reached my top notes. She gave me some hints. She said it is not all about how big a breath I take but the relationship between the air, diaphragm, lungs, throat, everything as a whole, as a unit. She had me before I sang the note, to exhale some air. This would have me to relax my throat and ease the tension. She said this will be important because the higher up I go in my notes, the air pressure becomes so great behind the vocal folds that it could re injure my vocal cords and cause problems i.e. nodules. She had me sing a part of a song. It felt strange, kinda heavy in my vocal cords because I haven't sung in a while. She had me sing the song using the syllable "Bla" which did ease some of the tension, well actually the majority of it. She suggested I practice this along with releasing some air before the note. She also said I could sing in my low range for now, and not sing high full voice. Whew! A lot to remember right now, right? Well, I well get it. Believe you me. Okay, now we are all caught up. What am I feeling? Sort of relieved I can sing now even if it is in the low range. Sad because alot of songs we sing are in the high range. Afraid because I don't want to hurt my throat again. Determined because I can see myself singing in choir day. All of these things and more are what I am thinking and feeling. Complex huh? Well gotta go. C ya when I c ya! God loves you! Always remember that!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Life after vocal cord polyp removal surgery

Hi All,
Just breaking out of the box straight past go with a question. Which question? Why am I so nervous about my vocal therapy visit tomorrow? Why? I will tell you why. It is the first time I would have sung anything in at least a month after my surgery. I feel so unsure of my voice right now. I feel as if I am doing a test in the eleventh grade or something. It other words, I am just so nervous about what I will sound like. I haven't even heard my singing voice since the surgery. So I am nervous! But you know what it is really? Deep down I am a perfectionist. Before my surgery, before all the vocal problems I was a perfectionist I think. I was harder on myself than anyone. I didn't like it when I would do the occasional squeaks. Absolutely hated it when I thought I sounded off key on even one note! And when I was out of breath trying to sustain a note, I was totally angry! Yep, Type A when it comes to singing which is different from my other persona lololol. In a way it is okay. It meant I cared about sounded good and not wanting to disrupt someone's spirit or mess up the choir. Wanted our Minister of Music to be pleased you know. That part is good. The part that is bad is being so critical that even thinking about singing badly made me not want to sing sometimes, thinking about being an embarassment, even sometimes when my wife wanted to sing at home. Sometimes it seemed like everyone would sound good but me. I know it is a trick of the enemy in thinking that, but I did think that way. Like all eyes are on me. But I promised after my surgery that I wouldn't be that way anymore. Starting tomorrow at the vocal therapy session which will be my last session. What am I thinking now? I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me according to the power which work through me. So there I said it. Now that I said it, the word has to go forth. Well, take care, I will talk with you all later. I will let you know how tomorrow goes. Oh man, I have to come up with a song to take with me and sing. See ya!!!!!